Poll for non-entrants: https://forms.gle/Mot6MrGDqnSKzev27
Semi-final 1:
Also voting: KoL Miners Daughter, SirStabsalot, ScotlandsFinest
A. Blobster111
Loathing Unleashed: Advance of the Goo
The grey goo has taken over Loathing, and it fate lies on the shoulders of the 6 people: Seal Clubber Karl, Turtle Tamer Timmy, Pastamancer Pearl, Sauceror Sam, Disco Bandit Dennis and Accordion Thief Amy. United through the absurdity of the goo invasion, they have been issued a prophecy by the Council to fight against the tyrrany of the partnership that was created through the triple alliance between the Goo Gods, the Naughty Sorceress and the Penguin Mafia. Goo, magic and kneecapping awaits our heros as they explore the goo-filled crevices of the Kingdom.
B. TrueEeviL
Why am I in black and white? You didn't ask, but let me tell you about a place! A time! Maybe a time rift! I can seeeee you seeeeeeeeeeething in that suit. Some might say... Loathing! Let me give you an elevator pitch because I don't want to be pitched off this elevator! See that?! No? (Pickpockets) Sooouhhh. Anyway. The Nauuughhhty sorceress invades a kingdom. And. You need to grab a pasta spoon! To fight goombaa... goblins to save it. Listen, it's like that Mario movie, but Bowser is a dominatrix and lots of noodles. Ok, listen here's my card.
C. Bigbloon
Hear me out - imagine an island trapped in an endless time loop. a hero wakes up, destined to save the day - or is he? As our hero challenges all sorts of maddening quests, he realizes that something is amiss - despite being an entire island, he's barely met anyone else - he seems to be the only sentient person in all of the land. What's more, the challenges he faces all seem to be designed to keep him too busy to think about what's going on - why does the local government even need a mosquito. Long story short: this island is Hell.
D. efot
In a world where barrels are full of barrels, dungeons are full of dungeons and chasms are full of orcs, one man, or woman, or zombie, or glob of goo, must save the kingdom from a bunch of monsters and one really badly behaved sorceress (or perhaps somebody else who dumped her off her tower). Join them as they brave the elements: cold, hot, spooky, stench and sleaze; explore the castle in the sky; fight in an epic war between frats and hippies and discover their torsos. Kingdom of Loathing: Come for the graphics, stay for the borderline copyright infringement.
E. Less Than Three
Okay, so listen up. There's this kingdom, right? And it's ruled over by this sorceress. But she's no good at all, just downright naughty. Our adventurer traverses the kingdom, helping friends and defeating enemies, until they scale the sorceresses tower and slay the foul witch. But wait! Was it all a dream? Our adventurer breaks the prism imprisoning the beloved king but notices a shimmering rift. They step through and are greeted into the afterlife from which they then tumble back to the kingdom only for everything to be exactly as it was before they left. Sequels!
Purple monkey dishwasher.
F. Fanril
KoL:TM is "Guardians of the Galaxy" meets "The Suicide Squad",
6 people with wry senses of humor and pugnaciousness appear in a setting that's half medieval, half late 20th century.
Disco Bandit enters the Spooky Forest and does a meetcute with a Pastamancer at the mosquito. Back at Council, the Turtle Tamer and Accordion Thief join up to sneak into Cobbâs Knob. At the door outside the Goblin King, the Seal Clubber jumps queue & LEEEEEROY JENKIINNNNS!!! the GK and it's a quintet. The Sauceror needs her father's diary decoded by the DB before they all attack the Naughty Sorceress.
G. Soxfan196o
Get this... The movie's called Kingdom of Loathing and it's based on the game. Picture a funnier and sillier Dungeons and Dragons that will be way cheaper to produce. Instead of paying for actors like Chris Pine and Hugh Grant we use... Stick figures. They have punny, wonderful, bizarre adventures, and lots of meat! The adventure includes rats, skeletons, and talking pirates galore. The end culminates with a giant battle with a Sorceress who happens to also be naughty, and once complete the whole cycle repeats with slight variants and new cool skills that sets us up nicely for sequels.
H. ArgonZero
"KOL: The Meatpocalypse" skewers you into a realm where stick figures and monsters are punnier than your dad's jokes. With more sass than class, our lame hero embarks on an epically miserable quest to rescue the kingdom's meat supply from the mischievous Naughty Sorceress. He'll dodge doughy dangers, parry puns, and slice through a forest of footnotes. With a kingdom at steak and humor well-done, this quirky journey is a rare blend of laughs and adventure. It's a film where the characters aren't just drawn; they're sketchy, and the only thing flat is the animation. Prepare to be Loathingly entertained!
I. Canopus
Elle Venkol is a thirty-seven year old office drone who is fed up with her dead-end job and finds little meaning in her otherwise peaceful life. But when she gets food poisoning after eating a bad sausage at her local breakfast diner, she takes the rest of the day off and heads to bed... only to wake up sprawled out in front of a cave with a talking bird who is intent on giving her the message of a lifetime! Watch Elle finally get her groove back as she fumbles and misadventures her way through the fantastical Kingdom of Loathing.
J. Asphode1
Every summer palooza in the kingdom of loathing, Tis'atlan will surface from the sea on the shoulders of overburdened mer-kin and plague the kingdom with unsensible levels of loathing. However, legend speaks that those who ride its water slides can be brought to the past where innumerable treasures and forbidden secrets are hidden. Here comes in: adventurer Herman West, who will uncover the secrets of this long lost amusement park, that is, if his nemesis East doesn't manage to arrive first with his army of genetically modified mer-kin gladiators ...
Surely, he will be bring loathing liberty and equality to all...
K. Bay Leaf
An Adventurer wakes up hungover in a room with a clock, a calendar, and a cat. She stumbles right into a talking skull, which tells her that the world will end in 31 days and she needs the ultimate artifact to stop it.
She sets out on her quest. Every time she gets a piece of the artifact, the kingdom becomes worse but more stable. When she's done, the skull reveals that she is the source of all the Kingdom's woes. The story needed a villain.
A hero arrives, the Sorceress dies. Time turns back.
An adventurer wakes up hungover.
L. Derplingtons
“Floor?”
“I got it!”
“…you just pressed every floor between here and mine.”
“Yeah! Wanna hear an elevator pitch?”
“Not-“
“Ever wished you could see stick figures move? Ever wanted to drink your sweat? What about your pet’s?”
“…have you?”
“Then urine… you’re in luck! The Kingdom of Loathing is an MMO with 20-years of gags that make you gag and punishing puns! Its understated style is simple to animate, and its colorful… figuratively… cast will definitely-
“I’m taking the stairs and calling security.”
“Oh I’d love to follow, but that wouldn’t be an elevator pitch!”
“…I’m still calling security.
Semi-final 2:
Also voting: Chadomancer, Marge
A. The Great White Hunter
SMACK! ZOT! WHAM!
The adventurer pulls her blade free from the wriggling mass of tentacles, breathing heavily.
'Why won't this damn thing just die?!?', she mutters to herself. A corona of meteors appears above her head, and she slams them into the horror one by one.
The tentacles only writhe faster.
"You are nothing mortal. This world will be mine. Give me your soul."
She screams into the blackness as her mind is torn apart, her body flayed into infinitesimal pieces.
She opens her eyes and crawls out of her small single-person tent, ready for a new day of adventure.
B. Khlamedaea
-So you have a movie for me?
-Yes sir I do! It’s an epic tale of heroism and adventure! A hero's quest throughout the realm to defeat the Naughty Sorceress and save King Ralph!
-Ohhh epic quests are tight!
-Yeah so importantly the adventurer has to be YOU, the viewer, and also you are a stick figure.
-So is it a cartoon?
-No its live action
-Don't you think it will be difficult to film this as first person POV as well as convey that the viewer is a stick figure?
It'll be super easy, barely an inconvenience!
*hanging suspense*
C. Brodab
Leon the Master of Sauce looked up at the dark sky as the dark storm clouds cover the sky. The king was kidnapped. His brother Cdfannic mysteriously went missing after saving the king. But some kind of sorcery must've messed with time. This time, without his brother to save the kingdom, it was up to Leon to save the kingdom. Hopefully on his path to the king, he would find what happened to his brother. As he walked up the steps to the council, he knew that if he stepped up to save the kingdom, there was no going back...
D. ange1ade
Valhalla - an idyllic paradise where the spirits of seasoned adventurers rest, peruse astral wares, and swap stories over a round of astral drinks. Its gates once withstood a mighty skeleton invasion in 2011, led by Rene C. Corman. But what happens when Corman Jr. returns to avenge his slain father, joined by Azazel's demon forces and the horrific armies of ancient Mer-kin gods? It's up to Jermery the Permer to defend Valhalla, the karma supply, and everything that he holds dear! Find out what happens in the action-adventure blockbuster sequel of the summer - "The Battle for Valhalla 2: Karma Shawarma"!
E. Nannachi
Lights, Camera, Action!
We zoom in to a little stick minding his own business — just being a stick.
Suddenly: BOOM! The monarchy is dead, the government is back on, and 5 people are at its head!!
*Intern trying to interrupt the pitch*
Our poor stick has to get a job, and do the council's bidding, there is no other choice
*Intern tries to interrupt again*
He has to fight rats, deal with ghosts and undead~~~~
*Intern tries to interrupt one last time*
WHAT???
Intern: that's our origin sir. You are describing KoL.
*ponders*
It's called a biography you ignorant buffoon!
F. AkaDude
There are two AWESOME characters. Sam and Cam who's world MISSION is to throw bricks at the homeless (truly heroic) HOWEVER A VILLAIN STANDS in the way of their brick throwing a snarky little bugbear (could this get any worse) who believes no kidding that you shouldn't throw BRICKS at the homeless (not to hard to find idiots these days) The only thing that can save our heroes are MEAT, AWESOMENESS, AWESOMENESSNESS do they have what it takes or will the slimy stinky "moral" bugbear stop the heroes brick throwing tirade find out in the AWESOME KINGDOM OF LOATHING MOVIE
G. Squm Bumbly
Coming this summer: when high school burnout Buck Gumples (Jack Black) realizes his best friends- Pastamancer Mafaldini (John Huston) and Accordion Thief Hohner Borsini (Danny DeVito)- are planning to leave town to attend S.I.T., he decides it's time for one last unforgettable bender. As these chuckleheads bumble their way into slapstick shenanigans across the Kingdom of Loathing, they'll find themselves enthralled in an epic battle against the Naughty Sorceress (Kathy Najimy)- what follows is a four hour film so ridiculous, it's not even funny. Get ready for what some are calling 'the movie ever': Kingdom Loath Trip, in theaters now.
H. littlebitofSonshine
My journey to Kingdom of Loathing. As I was stumbling around Yahoo, A friend "said go try this game." I was like why? He said it's funny and could help me, also some nice people. So I tried. At first made no sense. Then I started to notice the tiny nuances. It taught time management, skill planning not only that. It teaches it's never to late to pick a new path. Whether it's meant to or not, provides structure to your real life. The quest lines are hilarious. Everything you can learn on game slowly works on a subconscious Level.
I. bum3
In a world where knob goblins harass gnomes for birthday cake and Giants litter the plains.
One brave soul ascends to the path of greatness.
Will they take the path of turtle tamer? Saucerer, or the ever elusive, ever conclusive, disco bandit?
An Accordian Theif? a Seal clubber? or through the power of bound sl— friendship, Pastamancer.
The Naughty Sorceress has never been naughtier and the Bonerdragon is BIGGER then ever.
Join us for a thrilling ride down Mt. Mclargehuge, evading the penguin Mafia and nemesis assassin, for the journey of our three hundred and thirty third ascension.
Happy Adventuring!
J. Rishi Sunak
Ralph's Rescue
Zeppelins! Volcanoes!! 1,000 Elephants!!!!! Disco!!! Loathing!!!!
Before being imprismed by a naughty sorceress, the star of Wreck-it Ralph k-mails Veronica for help. But Veronica can only enter Ralph's Kingdom as a feeble noob!!!
To survive she learns special dance moves, combining them to become more powerful. Epic foods and booze grant endurance.
On her quest Veronica
fights yetis!
rides sandworms!!
starts a war!!!
photographs God!!!!
battles her Nemesis to volcanic death!!!!!
To release Ralph from the Sorceress's prism, Veronica must dance her most daring combos yet to defeat the Sorceress three times!!!!
NOT TO BE MISSED!!!!!!!!
1,000 ELEPHANTS!!!!!!!
K. The_Dancing_Viagra
The moons lit the night sky, Grimace waning and Ronald touching the camel's toe. Their streaming in through the window of a high tower where the king slept after a long day. The kingdom had been peaceful for many years but recently, an uprising of the Knob. He awoke to the click of his door closing, and there stood a shadowy figure wreathed in shadow. She was shadowy is what I'm trying to say.
"You!" the king stammers, as she stepped into the glow of moonlight.
"Miss me, darling?" she purrs, as she twirls a small prism in her hand...
L. Rick Tyger
In a world where fancy 3D graphics reing supreme, one game will dare to use... STICK FIGURES AND TEXT!!! Welcome to Kingdom of Loathing, a dystopian parody of role playing games. Defeat an endless supply of fodder enemies! Complete quests for the Council! Defeat Bosses! Face the NAUGHTY SORCERESS to FREE THE KING! Wonder why there are so many diapers in this game! Like, seriously. What is up with that? Get DISTRACED and spend TWELVE HOURS IN CHAT INSTEAD OF PLAYING THE GAME! And just when you think your journey is at its end... Ascend! Replay the whole game again!
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