Thursday, October 9, 2025

Game Review: Candles & Cannons

Candles & Cannons is almost single-player Battleship: the theme is about firing cannons into the ocean and you would want to sink adversaries and mark your treasure. The difference comes in the card values determining whether your score will sink or swim.

The tableau is two fields for the shore and the ocean. You control the shore cards with its titular candles and cannons. Starting with one lit candle you swap cards up to three times before cannons fire. To light a candle you swap it with a lit one and each lit candle lights up the same square on the ocean grid. You can also swap 

After three swaps cannons next to lit candles fire, landing on the same spots on the ocean grid, revealing any hitherto face-down cards. If it hits a pirate the cannon cards on it must be equal or greater to score, if it hits a piece of treasure it must be lower than the treasure or both sink to the discard pile.

After firing cannons a candle is relit then the other lit candles burn out. Grids are refilled when possible but the game only ends if it's impossible to relight a candle. Points are given for shot pirated and salvaged treasure and points are deducted for any sunken(discarded) treasure and any cards left on the ocean grid.

Make the most of the information available as you will have to take risks with what your cannons shoot. The game penalizes for missed cards as much as wrong hits so just having something to hit is better than leaving too many ocean cards at the end of the game. 

The two types of targets still play differently enough even if in any case hitting a card in one shot is better. You will have to fire at unknown cards so it's worth making the most of what you do know, candles can only show so much.

Ending the game is rather arbitrary and the late game doesn't have a sense of cleaning up as one might expect.

Monday, October 6, 2025


Chadsworthy: "When you've mastered the art of flatulentce, you can use it for propulsion." - 2 pts, 2 vts
Poopyfartbutt:

Me after 6 shots: gravity can't tell me what to do.
Him: what the hell kind of science experiment is this?
- 3 pts
CheeseyPickle: Behold! Pants on wheels! - 7 pts
Pope Puree: "Damn, white privilege is crazy" - 17 pts
dietotenh: "...When you divide by 0." - 2 pts, 1 vt
Ipskulin: "When the swamp ass has reached its limit" - 0 pts
Shakara: [slide whistle] - 19 pts
verDAnt puRplE: Gravity? Where we're going we don't need gravity. - 5 pts
Lyssa OwO: oklahoma - 3 pts
PAINterguy: When you hit the "hee hee" just right - 2 pts, 2 vts

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Zanthia: When Chef Marco realised what they meant by "Can you do the beets for the staff party".
SirStabsaLot: order up: one pan seared bass dropped in fresh beats!
Soxfan196o: when they tell the chef he needs to be the elvis impersonator and the dj
Avandor: DJ Remy moved on from cooking food to beats
Voryn: "When your hair is brighter than your future"
OctogenariCherub: "Though his coworkers shunned his act, Swedish Chef Mafia was the most successful Muppet endeavor of the 2009-2013 period."
Chadsworthy: Dr. Clayton Forrester before he turned to a life of torturing employees with crappy movies
LordVenom: let this man cook
Skent: 3d food printing at it's best
Painterguy: Hades if he part-timed as a DJ