Here are the stories from this year's Summerpalooza. Stories are listed on its running order, with the scores next to the entrant name. Semi-final non-qualifiers will be listed by their ranking afterward.
A. DoopSlayer - 221 points - 4th
The Bad Moon-inator malfunctioned, and now a Good Moon has risen. Adventures in the kingdom may result in special good adventures once per run per zone. In hardcore Good Moon there is no Hagnk’s, instead Hey Deze? A land of candy and jelly beans is accessible in the Right Side of the Tracks. Hey Deze grants access to certain, Positive!, skills with a theme of give-and-give. Completion of a Good Moon ascension with a Black Cat 100% will unlock a White Rabbit familiar who randomly increases stat gains, adds MP or refreshes buffs, increases item drops, or blocks enemy spells.
B. Lesbian_Syphilitic_Spanker - 208 points - 5th
You ever wonder why so many enemies try their hardest to kill you for seemingly no reason? Well, sometimes the Reincarnation Bureau "slips up". Instead of reincarnating, they assign you to be an enemy instead, with the only way to get a shot at ascending correctly being to successfully take out an adventurer. Sounds rough, right? But it gets worse. Turns out that some of the worst offenders in the realm "scammers, mall manipulators, undercutters" get stuck as Ultra-Rares or even worse, bunnies. Those tormented souls are unlikely to ever succeed. And let's not get started on the abandoned accounts
C. Lord President - 226 points - 2nd
New "challenge" path coming this summer: Avatar of late February. It's finally late February somewhere, so go ahead and open those mysterious boxes you've been hoarding. You still have those, right? You totally didn't sell them for cheap in the mall, right? Anyway, the boxes are free pulls, so open as many as you wish. For every box opened, you get a cat of the same color. One cat per box! You arrange your cats in a colorful pentagram and summon the final boss: Crazy Cat Lady Spookyclaws. Did you know she was your grandmother? Hopefully you can defeat her.
D. LinkFromLoZ - 174 points - 12th
The Other line states it clearly, but you can’t believe your eyes. A chance to be a member of the Council of Loathing? You were done listening to those grandstanding leaders of Loathing, instead taking their place. You feel yourself suddenly imbued with all the powers of bureaucracy: causing problems, making silly regulations, and helping out other people, when it benefits you. Face extreme issues such as pet fighting rings in seaside town and strange hermits offering adventurers contraband. Instead of facing the monsters of the Kingdom, you face a far more heinous enemy: the red tape of local government.
E. heroic Kol player - 223 points - 3rd
avatar of naughty sorceress (AoNS). you play as the NS and from level 1 you are preparing the quests. like placing the mosquito larva, turning the rat facet on, destroying orcs bridge and all that. as you level up you learn skills from your tower similar to how other classes learn skills as they level up. she is obviously a myst class and uses mana points. it ends with you setting up a competition, the walls of meat, bone and flesh and of course the door. You essentially play the quests again but with a different skillset and different dialogue.
F. PsyMar - 186 points - 10th
Avatar of The Creator: Go back in time to before the kingdom’s existence! Improve your artistic and programming abilities as you fight errors and try to create a Kingdom worthy of the name “Loathing”! Avoid burn-out, build a loyal playerbase, hire staff with mysterious green paper currency, make world events happen! Revamp quests and fight the disgruntled users threatening to quit! Make fun of your Home Owner’s Association in clan dungeons! And finally, design a Final Boss so Naughty, you can blame all the bad jokes, puns, and spelling errors on her and the players will never suspect a thing!
G. Scytheist - 151 points - 18th
Forty adventures per day ain't enough for me
Every adventure's a performance in this path, you see
Every single battle a song and dance number
Keep the audience on their feet, so they don't fall into slumber
Or worse, upset them, you don't want that, they'll boo
They'll heckle you, disrupt you, throw tomatoes, too
So break a leg, give them their money's worth and more
If you do well enough, they might wanna meet you at stage door
Most importantly: have fun out there, do whatever you have to
'Cause in the Kingdom of Loathing....
An Adventurer is You!
H. Calvsie - 122 points - 19th
You awaken in the council chamber. Must have dozed off. Life has been sweet since the king got himself kidnapped. Your days are filled with napping, snacking, and pranking your fellow council members. Every so often you are interrupted at this by an adventure, but you get rid of them quickly by simply assigning them some of the various things you have been ignoring, delaying, or think could make you and your fellow council members some meat. It’s not like they will eventually be successful and get you in trouble with the king. It is a comfy job, Enjoy it.
I. ThePig - 207 points - 6th
I wakes up in a barn. When I look around, I realised that everyone is turned into a pig by the Naughty Sorceress. Now, we shall set on to rescue the world with 20 fullness and 1 drunkenness (pigs aren't good at drinking booze)! The class specified weapon is "your hand", it scales with you level for the damage, it is a muscle class (pig have MUCH fats, or I think they do). Reward will be hat, that increases your max fullness by 1 for every 5 PIGGY PATH ascensions you made. It must be equipped to get the bonus.
J. KoL Miners Daughter - 204 points - 7th
You fall from Valhalla revealing you standing in front of a fine writing desk in your campground. On the desk is a 6 color clickie pen, as well as a journal headed "Writing." A writer is you! Your task: prove the pen is mightier than the sword! Your weapon: well a pen. Weren't you paying attention? Your shield: a notebook! You’re ready for adventure! Just then another adventurer passes by and comments "what a geek!" Oh ya, you will show them what a geek you are! As soon as you find a dictionary and look up what a geek is.
K. ThatsHowIBeatShaq - 173 points - 13th
You wake up in your Newbiesport tent, roused by the incessant wailing of a newborn outside your tent flap. You peek outside and see a box labeled: FREE BABY. Welcome to the Parenthood Challenge Path. Your baby occupies your familiar slot and gives in-combat skills (BABY SHOWER - item drop; DIRTY DIAPER - stench damage; LULLABY - puts monster to sleep), but it also consumes meat, takes items you find, and must be fed various types of milk you find throughout the kingdom. You can even take your infant to Adventurer-and-Me classes each day in Seaside Town to upgrade and learn new skills!
L. Nikolai the Russian Fugitive - 168 points - 14th
You wake up. Or do you? You feel like you must scream, but... You have no mouth. This challenge path is set in the dark future of the Kingdom, where machines have taken over the world, and you switched roles with them! You are the last hope of humanity, a human consciousness transferred into a virus form. Play strategically, by using advanced cyber warfare and guerrilla warfare, or just hijack a giant mech and exterminate puny robots with all the futuristic weaponry you can carry! Survival of humanity is your top priority, no mercy for the machines! Death not included!
M. Tango Rose - 191 points - 8th
When you descend from Valhalla, you find yourself in a war-torn world. All the buildings are empty, and the only place of interest is a hole in the Nearby Plains where everyone has gone. As it turns out, the Nemesis of your class has overtaken the Kingdom, overthrowing even the Naughty Sorceress with the help of the demon, Nemeses. New Council Quests, new bosses, and new adventures await around every corner, but familiar faces still remain! Can you slay the ultimate Nemesis, stronger than ever before, and collect your prize? The Shard of Nemeses awaits you at your journey’s end!
N. Marge - 164 points - 16th
Marge shattered the prism with a karate chop and a “Hi keeba!” and King Ralph XI stepped out of his crystalline cocoon. After making his usual joke about the Naughty Sorceress being in another tower, he put two fingers in his mouth, whistled loudly and a winged horse flew out of the sky onto the broken tower where it rested precariously. “Congratulations, Adventurer,” said the King, “welcome to your afterlife. You and Peggy here,” he giggled at the creature’s name, “must travel to Distant Lands to meet the Traveling Trader and bring him back here. We’re drowning in twinkly wads!”
O. Tehra - 159 points - 17th
Well, that didn't quite go as expected. Who would have guessed knocking over that dumpster would have pissed those pygmies off so much. At least I made it out alive... I think. Of course I did! I am Dr. Henry "Dakota" Fanning, Ph.D. after all. Where am I anyway? Ugh, my head. I can barely see straight. It's so bright. Is that a giant golden gate? Are these... clouds!? What is this? Oh it looks like there is a person over there. Hey! Hey you! Yeah, you... floating... ghost... guy. What's going on here? ""How-deeee! Welcome to the afterlife, Adventurer!"
P. xoutkastx3 - 187 points - 9th
Hundreds of lifetimes, and you always awakened by yourself. Not this time. You open your eyes to see two adventurers next to you. A booming voice calling itself a “Narrator” shouts backstory to the three of you: it seems the gods have turned their backs on adventurers everywhere; their gates forever shut to worship. The council is gone. Your only hope lies with a sworn enemy; the Naughty Sorceress will assist your party. The enemy of your enemies is, I guess, a friend or something. You steel yourselves for the coming war. At least this time, you won’t adventure alone.
Q. breakingamber - 165 points - 15th
Challenge Path: Kelvin and Hobs! The pair of the exiled Seal Clubber from the Frigid Northlands and his pet snow leopard journey out into the Kingdom of Loathing to defeat the enemy of all Seal Clubbers everywhere: Boredom! Instead of fury, you collect creativity at the end of every non-boring combat which can be used to buy powerful costumes, new skills, and toys for your snow leopard! Kill strange aliens, dastardly supervillains, ferocious babysitters, and, of course, the Avatar of Boredom itself in a very boring and traditional fight. The reward? A Kelvinball, which does all sorts of crazy things.
R. Lucelle Ball - 108 points - 21st
Ever wondered why the Naughty Sorceress is so.... Naughty? Journey back in time to her past and find out what just pushed her over the edge and lead to a desire for conquest. As you journey through her life, you will see and learn the arsenal of spells she has at her disposal and unleash them on those who have wronged you. As you reach the apex of your power, perhaps you will learn what caused a budding sorceress to turn on the kingdom and start a never ending chain of events that will be forever unknown by the kingdom.
S. Fart Scause - 96 points - 22nd
Roles are reversed and you're a familiar. Only one familiar you possess is chosen when choosing ascension paths. You can equip multiple equipment and consume stuff. Though these may be restricted or boosted with the type of familiar. Some may be able to eat more or can't equip back items. New interactions with adventures and familiar only skills. Weight is level, max of 20, equipment can increase weight. You can only have one "familiar" which is your avatar. They can only equip familiar equipment but will get one based on your chosen class, you set their actions outside of adventures.
T. Worgo - 182 points - 11th
Actually Not Actually Ed The Undying. You've stolen the Macguffin. You've taken it back. Now it's time to steal it re-back! Play as a furious, fired, secret warehouse janitor seeking to re-reclaim the valuable(?) Macguffin from the cold, undead hands of Ed the Undying. Learn valuable mopping skills, make friends with shadowy agents, and âborrowâ some other artifacts from The Secret Council Warehouse in order to complete your task and recover the Macguffin from that mummy who took it back after you stole it fair and square. Rewards feature artifact fragments that can be re-assembled into mystic items of power.
U. Vermicellita - 114 points - 20th
I awaken to find that I am an android who is more than meets the eye. More specifically, I can transmogrify myself, moving my mechanical parts to disguise myself as an ice cream truck. As an android, I fire ranged weapons. As an ice cream truck, I serve frozen novelties to my allies. I am the entity best suited to free King Ralph XI from Megabyter, the naughtiest android. Once I have completed my quest, there will be a toy line based on me, giving me pause to wonder if my life has been nothing more than one long advertisement.
V. Moon - 257 points - 1st
You know that feeling? Youre dreaming but suddenly WAKE UP inside the dream? Yes you do! Its called Lucid dreaming and in your last incarnation you practiced it so when you went to Valhalla just before drinking the stygian drink of eternal forget, you slipped the drink under your coat and didnt forget anything at all. You have seen the Eternal Cheese and know that you must destroy it finally once and for all. Hunted by the valhallian Police you fight your way through the kingdom not distracted by the naughty sorceress quest. To once and for all be free.
Non-qualifiers (ranked by entrant score):
Semi-final 1:
JXQZ - 64 points - 9th
I was excited about the new content path for summer. I ascended and found the new radio button, "buddy system". I reincarnated and was met with one choice: player/item? Hmm, curious. I selected "item" on a whim, and waited. The screen displayed "waiting for buddy player, please hold." After a few seconds, the run had started, but it was just a live feed of another players run. I played the role of a random item that watched from the players inventory. Every so often I would be equipped. My buddy hasn't logged on in a few weeks. Dang it.
Cratmanghetti - 61 points - 10th
Today would have been a lovely Summer day... too bad the Naughty Sorceress has launched a full-scale assault on the Kingdom by engulfing it in a gigantic, neverending snowstorm. Now you must overcome hordes of snow golems and whatnot to unite the kingdom, and end this horrible winter! There are wandering Snowmancerers that appear once per level, and drop books that grant new skills to turn the snowstorm to your favor. While these snowstorm skills cannot be made permanent, they can be kept in aftercore. The Naughty Sorceress's 1st and 2nd forms have been modified with the element of cold.
LeftMeDead - 59 points - 11th
Slow and steady wins the race? Well, of course not! Its the 21st century, and everything is going fast and unsteady. You only get 20 adventures a day, and since you decide to do it fast and unsteady, you cannot stop to consume food. But who cares? You get twice the amount of stats when you fight a monster. Fighting the Naughty Sorceress at level 13? No! You have decided that you will skip the boring Macguffin and Mysterious Island quest. You will also receive a time machine for completing a run, which allows you to skip any council quest.
Kitkatpatywhack - 53 points -12th
nose for meat: you have a nose for meat, but pretty much blind otherwise, there are 0 item drops and x2 meat drops. the mall is available but your meat is halved within the mall. you keep 2/3 of the meat when you ascend out, rounded up. wall of meat will be easier as you can sniff out all the cracks in it. quest items will be bought with tokens from that area, and are kind of like bounty hunter hunter, you collect that token, but you cannot get any more of that token after that, or before that.
Arashmin - 35 points - 15th
Yakkity Saxuza 0: Fighting Days
They keep trying to push yous out of the adventurer lives, and yous just keep dragging yourselves back in. You're reborn as not one, but two tough guy selves, with half of your power as represented by three of the traditional classes each, alternating between the two for each quest. You have to complete your quests sequentially as yous switch out each level, both of your bad-asses will attract some unruly adventurers seeking to prove themselves, and they all seem hellbent on getting the Naughty Sorceress' one billion meat parking space for who knows why.
Grimmy - 33 points - 16th
So, Im dead for now, but im coming back, but I will be here a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very long long long long time.
SirStabsalot - 32 points - 17th
You ascend- or do you? maybe someone else did while you were watching? watching who? some guy named Kevin? or Khalimsabbarimjabduul? what are they doing with your equipment? something isn't right here. you aren't yourself, and neither is your body. who is who? what is what? which monster am I attacking? did Ralph kidnap the naughty sorceress? only the frat boy hippy council of loathing seems to know, but why they have someone who looks like you calling themselves by the name of Stephen helping them slay the meatsmith king is anyone's guess now. Welcome to the Kindom of Confusing
Lmaoyoutube - 31 points - 18th
You wake up from that dream. You were fighting the naughty sorceress but you were somehow hacked and the game also crashed. It said that you defeated her, and got the ascension rewards. It sent you to a glitched world. Fight glitches to return the world back to normal, and fight monsters who you weren't supposed to fight. More monsters, and more items are available! Earn up to 50 adventures or down to 10 adventures a day! Earn a special badge at the end of this run that will increase damage, hp, muscle, mysticallity and moxie permanently With bonus karma!
Purplecreature - 29 points -19th
After becoming an Astral Spirit, return to the kingdom. Fight enemies on the Kingdom of Loathing that is being struck by World War 9. Recall your trusty familiars to help you either save the kingdom or lay waste to it. Choose to destroy everything or save everything. Adventures are infinite; your stats are infinite. Find your true enemy, the spirit who started this whole war, and make your infinite stats worth as you fight them in an epic battle for control of the kingdom. You thought returning as an infinite being would bring peace? Well you were very, very wrong.
Lanthir_nara - 29 points - 20th
You head once more unto the breach to discover a world that is far less... illustrated.
You are standing on the bare ground in a massive camping place, a pack on your back. Inexplicably, the ground is adorned with a kitchen floor, a closet door, a log with words all over it, a glass box full of little creatures, and a shelf full of trophies.
To the west you can see a quaint seaside town, bustling with activity. To the south, a nearby plain. And to the east, a range of big mountains. On one peak, you see a bird.
Jugajo - 22 points - 21st
After years of professional cloud hunting, but clouds are getting a little boring, you want some diversity, so you saved up your meat and sailed to the kingdom. Once there, clouds have gone rampant everywhere! It has made all the animals go nuts! So nuts, in fact, that everyone is hiding inside their homes! After looking around a bit, you find the disturbance. Since clouds cant see very well, they bump into the giant tower, and go nuts. You need to destroy the tower to help everyone. Can you knock over the tower, and help out all these poor clouds?
Semi-final 2:
Mr1994 - 59 points - 10th
Halla Ghosts: A dimensional traveller named VAL scatters bizarre arrows all over the Kingdom. Disabling all classes and skills Adventurers have relied on, VAL deposed both Sorceress and King, bringing monsters from previous paths as wandering monsters. You use said arrow on yourself to create a Halla Ghost, a psychic construct that acts as a second, permanent familiar to use skills. Choices are muscular humanoid, mystical colony, or moxious remote-controlled form. Completion is rewarded with a HC-permed skill for a second familiar slot, the bizarre arrowhead as a weapon for a limited seasonal reward, and a Thwaitgold bizzare silverfish statuette.
Rick Tyger - 59 points - 11th
As you ascend, you feel a bug fly up your nose. When you enter your first fight, you discover that you are a Thing. When attacked, you automatically "Thing Out", dealing passive damage every round from varius mutated limbs and tentacles. When you win a fight, you assimilate the monster, restoring some HP and MP and gaining experience, based on how many of them you've fought before. You get new mutation combat and passive skills with each level. When you break the prism, you vomit up black liquid, which turns into a Thing familiar, which attacks and restores hp/mp.
gANeLoN - 50 points - 12th
Here's Susan
Susan is the annoying chick from the front office. You are now stuck with her. She will have to eat and drink everything you do. Be warned, Susan is a vegan and is allergic to gluten and pets. So no pets. Everything you wear, she must wear. This means you need doubles of anything you want to wear or consume. Items essential to a quests will have to be obtained twice so she may equip the item as well. It’s not all bad Susan will provide you company and witty banter that was missing in your solo questing.
Monechetti - 48 points - 13th
You find yourself reborn not as a baby, but an old man named Zimmerman Zipper at level 15. All quests are open to you so you can do them in any order, but as you fight, you lose stats instead of gaining them, deleveling as you progress, but gaining access to more abilities as you slowly turn into a baby. Aging backwards provides intrinsics that affect meat and item gain and some passive defensive things like an enemy refusing to hit a baby (blocking attacks). The reward is a rattle that knocks you down a level but grants 40 adventures.
Phobetor - 41 points - 14th
Whenever you return to Valhalla, you find yourself wondering what causes your existence to attract sundry monsters and their naughty commanders. Perhaps you've fought the Big Dad Sea Monkee and perceived a darker secret still. The time has come, Adventurer! Digging into the Council's Archives, you discover that they are pawns to the greatest evil in the Kingdom: manatees. You must traverse the thalassic thoroughfares and seek out the truth even as you prevent the Council from realizing your intentions and work on finding Naymoo. There is much to learn but even more to lose out on the Big Sea...
Kylestien - 38 points - 15th
Evil Overlord: You have had enough of playing various heroes. Now, it's time to be bad. You will command a army of minions of your choice to do various evil things, starting off small like kill the mosquito population or take over Cobb's Knob from the goblins as a side fortress, to large events like killing everyone on the island with your army, or destroying the Holy Mcguffin! Finally, your master plan will be accomplished: round up every hero in some sort of hero adventure contest for the next step, kill them all, and take over THE ENTIRE KINGDOM! AHAHAAHAHAHAHHA!
Lacey Jones - 36 points - 16th
You pick this browser game, Kingdom of Loathing, and start to play it. You'll need to figure this out, do adventures, read the wiki, play games in chat, all that takes time in real life. You can't be playing games all day. You got school, work, eat, drink, sleep. Your rig is where you play KoL, the better it is, the more you can play in the few hours of the day you can commit to playing, and the objective is to have fun, do ascenssions, farm meat, interact with other players, but not letting this game consume your life!
DragonLord123 - 32 points - 17th
My next life would be a life of multiclassing. When you start out you'd be a L1 something. When you level up you'd also get to choose which class you level up. You’d go on the same NS13 quests, but your skills would reflect your class pickings. My first idea for skills is that it if you're a L3TT L2SC you'd get the skills from those two classes. Another idea is having a whole new skill tree, so L3TT L2SC could have the skill “TurtleSmack” which would mix toss and smack. It would need work but it’s a cool idea.
Misty Avalon - 28 points - 18th
In a white robe and carrying a white candelabra. I am barefoot. I feel the soft slippery salt under my feet. I am carried up by a gentle breeze that suddenly blows the candles out. I'm weak. I drop the candelabra falling into the dark. Blown around like a feather for a few seconds. The sun appears. A cloud covers the sun and showers me with a gentle rain covering my tears. I keep crying after the rain ends, soaking myself with the soft salty water. I have no feelings, looking down. My soft body shakes to an undefined rhythm.
Llamasoup - 24 points - 20th
It was calling for me, that new option. I don’t recall our mighty overlord (You-Know-Who) mentioning this odd feature. After checking the wiki like I do when I’m trying to do the MacGuffin quest, I found no information about this new option. I chose the “other” option and I woke up in the Kingdom again. I went to Hanks to go acquire those pretty sweet iotms. (Don’t ask which ones I’m not that creative) I saw the item I wanted and when I reached for it I realized that I was missing something: My arms. I didn’t have any arms
jmasta - 21 points - 21st
"Self-expression a-go-go, baby! Begin your adventure as a boring, unimaginative miscreant to discover the hidden power of your words. Fight contextless mini-bosses doing ordinary things with a twist; Defeat them with maximum hilarity by using special Word Skills, such as: Pun, Reference, and Name Drop!
Become creativity incarnate to destroy The Fountainhead and retrieve the Golden Nib. Trade the Nib at the local calligraphy store (you know, right next to the Library) for your pick between two legendary off-hand items: Mightiest, a free-killing stylus, or the Peni Sword, the loudest all-day banisher!
But there's a catch:
One ascension per person."
JXQZ - 64 points - 9th
I was excited about the new content path for summer. I ascended and found the new radio button, "buddy system". I reincarnated and was met with one choice: player/item? Hmm, curious. I selected "item" on a whim, and waited. The screen displayed "waiting for buddy player, please hold." After a few seconds, the run had started, but it was just a live feed of another players run. I played the role of a random item that watched from the players inventory. Every so often I would be equipped. My buddy hasn't logged on in a few weeks. Dang it.
Cratmanghetti - 61 points - 10th
Today would have been a lovely Summer day... too bad the Naughty Sorceress has launched a full-scale assault on the Kingdom by engulfing it in a gigantic, neverending snowstorm. Now you must overcome hordes of snow golems and whatnot to unite the kingdom, and end this horrible winter! There are wandering Snowmancerers that appear once per level, and drop books that grant new skills to turn the snowstorm to your favor. While these snowstorm skills cannot be made permanent, they can be kept in aftercore. The Naughty Sorceress's 1st and 2nd forms have been modified with the element of cold.
LeftMeDead - 59 points - 11th
Slow and steady wins the race? Well, of course not! Its the 21st century, and everything is going fast and unsteady. You only get 20 adventures a day, and since you decide to do it fast and unsteady, you cannot stop to consume food. But who cares? You get twice the amount of stats when you fight a monster. Fighting the Naughty Sorceress at level 13? No! You have decided that you will skip the boring Macguffin and Mysterious Island quest. You will also receive a time machine for completing a run, which allows you to skip any council quest.
Kitkatpatywhack - 53 points -12th
nose for meat: you have a nose for meat, but pretty much blind otherwise, there are 0 item drops and x2 meat drops. the mall is available but your meat is halved within the mall. you keep 2/3 of the meat when you ascend out, rounded up. wall of meat will be easier as you can sniff out all the cracks in it. quest items will be bought with tokens from that area, and are kind of like bounty hunter hunter, you collect that token, but you cannot get any more of that token after that, or before that.
Arashmin - 35 points - 15th
Yakkity Saxuza 0: Fighting Days
They keep trying to push yous out of the adventurer lives, and yous just keep dragging yourselves back in. You're reborn as not one, but two tough guy selves, with half of your power as represented by three of the traditional classes each, alternating between the two for each quest. You have to complete your quests sequentially as yous switch out each level, both of your bad-asses will attract some unruly adventurers seeking to prove themselves, and they all seem hellbent on getting the Naughty Sorceress' one billion meat parking space for who knows why.
Grimmy - 33 points - 16th
So, Im dead for now, but im coming back, but I will be here a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very long long long long time.
SirStabsalot - 32 points - 17th
You ascend- or do you? maybe someone else did while you were watching? watching who? some guy named Kevin? or Khalimsabbarimjabduul? what are they doing with your equipment? something isn't right here. you aren't yourself, and neither is your body. who is who? what is what? which monster am I attacking? did Ralph kidnap the naughty sorceress? only the frat boy hippy council of loathing seems to know, but why they have someone who looks like you calling themselves by the name of Stephen helping them slay the meatsmith king is anyone's guess now. Welcome to the Kindom of Confusing
Lmaoyoutube - 31 points - 18th
You wake up from that dream. You were fighting the naughty sorceress but you were somehow hacked and the game also crashed. It said that you defeated her, and got the ascension rewards. It sent you to a glitched world. Fight glitches to return the world back to normal, and fight monsters who you weren't supposed to fight. More monsters, and more items are available! Earn up to 50 adventures or down to 10 adventures a day! Earn a special badge at the end of this run that will increase damage, hp, muscle, mysticallity and moxie permanently With bonus karma!
Purplecreature - 29 points -19th
After becoming an Astral Spirit, return to the kingdom. Fight enemies on the Kingdom of Loathing that is being struck by World War 9. Recall your trusty familiars to help you either save the kingdom or lay waste to it. Choose to destroy everything or save everything. Adventures are infinite; your stats are infinite. Find your true enemy, the spirit who started this whole war, and make your infinite stats worth as you fight them in an epic battle for control of the kingdom. You thought returning as an infinite being would bring peace? Well you were very, very wrong.
Lanthir_nara - 29 points - 20th
You head once more unto the breach to discover a world that is far less... illustrated.
You are standing on the bare ground in a massive camping place, a pack on your back. Inexplicably, the ground is adorned with a kitchen floor, a closet door, a log with words all over it, a glass box full of little creatures, and a shelf full of trophies.
To the west you can see a quaint seaside town, bustling with activity. To the south, a nearby plain. And to the east, a range of big mountains. On one peak, you see a bird.
Jugajo - 22 points - 21st
After years of professional cloud hunting, but clouds are getting a little boring, you want some diversity, so you saved up your meat and sailed to the kingdom. Once there, clouds have gone rampant everywhere! It has made all the animals go nuts! So nuts, in fact, that everyone is hiding inside their homes! After looking around a bit, you find the disturbance. Since clouds cant see very well, they bump into the giant tower, and go nuts. You need to destroy the tower to help everyone. Can you knock over the tower, and help out all these poor clouds?
Semi-final 2:
Mr1994 - 59 points - 10th
Halla Ghosts: A dimensional traveller named VAL scatters bizarre arrows all over the Kingdom. Disabling all classes and skills Adventurers have relied on, VAL deposed both Sorceress and King, bringing monsters from previous paths as wandering monsters. You use said arrow on yourself to create a Halla Ghost, a psychic construct that acts as a second, permanent familiar to use skills. Choices are muscular humanoid, mystical colony, or moxious remote-controlled form. Completion is rewarded with a HC-permed skill for a second familiar slot, the bizarre arrowhead as a weapon for a limited seasonal reward, and a Thwaitgold bizzare silverfish statuette.
Rick Tyger - 59 points - 11th
As you ascend, you feel a bug fly up your nose. When you enter your first fight, you discover that you are a Thing. When attacked, you automatically "Thing Out", dealing passive damage every round from varius mutated limbs and tentacles. When you win a fight, you assimilate the monster, restoring some HP and MP and gaining experience, based on how many of them you've fought before. You get new mutation combat and passive skills with each level. When you break the prism, you vomit up black liquid, which turns into a Thing familiar, which attacks and restores hp/mp.
gANeLoN - 50 points - 12th
Here's Susan
Susan is the annoying chick from the front office. You are now stuck with her. She will have to eat and drink everything you do. Be warned, Susan is a vegan and is allergic to gluten and pets. So no pets. Everything you wear, she must wear. This means you need doubles of anything you want to wear or consume. Items essential to a quests will have to be obtained twice so she may equip the item as well. It’s not all bad Susan will provide you company and witty banter that was missing in your solo questing.
Monechetti - 48 points - 13th
You find yourself reborn not as a baby, but an old man named Zimmerman Zipper at level 15. All quests are open to you so you can do them in any order, but as you fight, you lose stats instead of gaining them, deleveling as you progress, but gaining access to more abilities as you slowly turn into a baby. Aging backwards provides intrinsics that affect meat and item gain and some passive defensive things like an enemy refusing to hit a baby (blocking attacks). The reward is a rattle that knocks you down a level but grants 40 adventures.
Phobetor - 41 points - 14th
Whenever you return to Valhalla, you find yourself wondering what causes your existence to attract sundry monsters and their naughty commanders. Perhaps you've fought the Big Dad Sea Monkee and perceived a darker secret still. The time has come, Adventurer! Digging into the Council's Archives, you discover that they are pawns to the greatest evil in the Kingdom: manatees. You must traverse the thalassic thoroughfares and seek out the truth even as you prevent the Council from realizing your intentions and work on finding Naymoo. There is much to learn but even more to lose out on the Big Sea...
Kylestien - 38 points - 15th
Evil Overlord: You have had enough of playing various heroes. Now, it's time to be bad. You will command a army of minions of your choice to do various evil things, starting off small like kill the mosquito population or take over Cobb's Knob from the goblins as a side fortress, to large events like killing everyone on the island with your army, or destroying the Holy Mcguffin! Finally, your master plan will be accomplished: round up every hero in some sort of hero adventure contest for the next step, kill them all, and take over THE ENTIRE KINGDOM! AHAHAAHAHAHAHHA!
Lacey Jones - 36 points - 16th
You pick this browser game, Kingdom of Loathing, and start to play it. You'll need to figure this out, do adventures, read the wiki, play games in chat, all that takes time in real life. You can't be playing games all day. You got school, work, eat, drink, sleep. Your rig is where you play KoL, the better it is, the more you can play in the few hours of the day you can commit to playing, and the objective is to have fun, do ascenssions, farm meat, interact with other players, but not letting this game consume your life!
DragonLord123 - 32 points - 17th
My next life would be a life of multiclassing. When you start out you'd be a L1 something. When you level up you'd also get to choose which class you level up. You’d go on the same NS13 quests, but your skills would reflect your class pickings. My first idea for skills is that it if you're a L3TT L2SC you'd get the skills from those two classes. Another idea is having a whole new skill tree, so L3TT L2SC could have the skill “TurtleSmack” which would mix toss and smack. It would need work but it’s a cool idea.
Misty Avalon - 28 points - 18th
In a white robe and carrying a white candelabra. I am barefoot. I feel the soft slippery salt under my feet. I am carried up by a gentle breeze that suddenly blows the candles out. I'm weak. I drop the candelabra falling into the dark. Blown around like a feather for a few seconds. The sun appears. A cloud covers the sun and showers me with a gentle rain covering my tears. I keep crying after the rain ends, soaking myself with the soft salty water. I have no feelings, looking down. My soft body shakes to an undefined rhythm.
Llamasoup - 24 points - 20th
It was calling for me, that new option. I don’t recall our mighty overlord (You-Know-Who) mentioning this odd feature. After checking the wiki like I do when I’m trying to do the MacGuffin quest, I found no information about this new option. I chose the “other” option and I woke up in the Kingdom again. I went to Hanks to go acquire those pretty sweet iotms. (Don’t ask which ones I’m not that creative) I saw the item I wanted and when I reached for it I realized that I was missing something: My arms. I didn’t have any arms
jmasta - 21 points - 21st
"Self-expression a-go-go, baby! Begin your adventure as a boring, unimaginative miscreant to discover the hidden power of your words. Fight contextless mini-bosses doing ordinary things with a twist; Defeat them with maximum hilarity by using special Word Skills, such as: Pun, Reference, and Name Drop!
Become creativity incarnate to destroy The Fountainhead and retrieve the Golden Nib. Trade the Nib at the local calligraphy store (you know, right next to the Library) for your pick between two legendary off-hand items: Mightiest, a free-killing stylus, or the Peni Sword, the loudest all-day banisher!
But there's a catch:
One ascension per person."
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