Crimbopalooza 2016: Most Unforgettable Crimbo Moment
15 entries
Winner: Psymar, 106 points
Once upon a crimbo dreary
As I pondered weak and weary
Over a tome of clip art and manual of transcendent olfaction from days of yore
Suddenly there came a rapping
As of someone gently tapping
Tapping at my chamber door.
Quoth my tired self, “knock it off, I’m trying to sleep here.”.
I ignored; then came a clapping
Just to rouse me from my napping
In the hopes that maybe someday I’d actually get up and go answer the door.
Suddenly I let the cat in
And he started speaking latin
Quoth the kitten,
Estuans Interius Ira Vehementi, SEPHIROTH!
Summerpalooza 2017: The Necks Chapter
Winner: Phantax, 477 points
Now he knew what that constant sense of incompleteness that he felt was. Alexander stared at the monstrosity lying dead at his feet. It was like looking at a mirror, with one difference: where his neckstalk ended, a large fleshy structure protruded instead. Alexander turned away, shuddering. The sight was hideous, and yet! It was whole. Perfect. Entranced, he got down on all fours and crept towards the corpse and, in a single stroke, cut off the protrusion. Setting the bloody lump on his neckstalk, he began to look for his sewing kit. It was time to make some stitches.
Crimbopalooza 2017: A Lamb Sauce Crimbo
36 entries
Winner: TheSilhouette, 302 points
Once upon a time, there was an ugly barnacle! Oh no, but this isn't how this story goes; You see, the chef had always been a short-tempered perfectionist and such dilemmas are no match for his level of expertise... or so he thought. It was a warm Crimbo evening, Ramsay was preparing a fine meal and in order to up his game, he got some barnacles, cooked them up and upon serving, noticed LAMB SAUCE was missing!! So he served them without it! and everybody died, Why?, you ask, The sauce? Pfft, No!, It's because Barnacles are poisonous! THE END!
Summerpalooza 2018: Your Ship Sucks
35 entries
Winner: Aeshma, 270 points
The council had had enough. Having seen the crowds gather at the desert beach, destined for Kokomo, they chartered a private ship to the Frigid Northlands. But...
Soon after boarding the ship, the council were surrounded by seamen, and were forced to sleep on the poopdeck. They wanted to steal the ship's dinghy to escape, but they knew they'd have to walk the plank. Even worse, the fourth council member found some barnacles on his hull…
One night, out of nowhere, the Hermit approached the council and tossed one disassembled clover to each of them, “There’s no luck in hell.”
Crimbopalooza 2018: Your Fandom Sucks
25 entries
Winner: Prusias, 298 points
'Your fandom is trash'
He said relishing my disgust.
Its writers are rash
and its fans lack trust.'
I shrugged down my anger and gave him a sigh
As I prepared for the greatest ass-beating the world could spy.
'My fandom is shit?'
'We'll look at your fandom lickety split.'
'Well My Little Pony...um' I interrupted with a gaffe.
'Your obsession with ponies,
is whack, we can agree.'
'It must be a real malady,
for it's just beastiality.'
'Uh.. no it's not that.'
He said abash.
I reached over and gave him a pat.
'It's okay, your fandom is trash.'
Summerpalooza 2019: Make-Your-Own-Afterlife
Winner: Moon, 257 points
You know that feeling? Youre dreaming but suddenly WAKE UP inside the dream? Yes you do! Its called Lucid dreaming and in your last incarnation you practiced it so when you went to Valhalla just before drinking the stygian drink of eternal forget, you slipped the drink under your coat and didnt forget anything at all. You have seen the Eternal Cheese and know that you must destroy it finally once and for all. Hunted by the valhallian Police you fight your way through the kingdom not distracted by the naughty sorceress quest. To once and for all be free.
Crimbopalooza 2019: Get Me Outta This Party
32 entries
Winner: KoL Miners Daughter, 346 points
It was Crimbo Eve and there was a lot of cheer,
but my boyfriend Drake had drank too much beer.
And he was looking around this snowy night
thinking maybe, just maybe, a fight?
Oh, not the guy with the three handed sword!
Is Drake really that bored?
With the red cap and the fluffy white ball
this is not a good opponent, at all!
So thus I must leave, before the building falls
maybe I'll just tell him nature calls?
Since Drake is a dragon and his breath is alight
so he won't be happy without a Crimbo knight.
32 entries
Winner: KoL Miners Daughter, 346 points
It was Crimbo Eve and there was a lot of cheer,
but my boyfriend Drake had drank too much beer.
And he was looking around this snowy night
thinking maybe, just maybe, a fight?
Oh, not the guy with the three handed sword!
Is Drake really that bored?
With the red cap and the fluffy white ball
this is not a good opponent, at all!
So thus I must leave, before the building falls
maybe I'll just tell him nature calls?
Since Drake is a dragon and his breath is alight
so he won't be happy without a Crimbo knight.
Summerpalooza 2020: A Summer at the Ranch
Winner: KoL Miners Daughter, 336 points
Kickin' at the ranch with Dr. Phil
Thinking summer will be a thrill!
He's psychoanalyzing six feet away
(Having to remind him where to stay).
He diagnosed all the issues
(not even offering tissues)
he thinks I must be feelin', ya,
like catagelophobia and alopeciaphilia.
I was staring at the sun hitting his head
(much better then listening to what was said)
I had come to shoot and camp!
Not be a psychological experiment!
Because matters can only be worse,
I will explain with this last verse:
worst bit of this, I'm confessin'
they only had Italian, no ranch dressin'.
Crimbopalooza 2020: The Necks Chapter 2: You Know I Had to Do It to Em Edition
Winner: Spileckalicious, 414 points
Princess Akephale inclined her neck gracefully, subvocalizing a subsonic hum as the high priest lowered the ceremonial necklace at her public coronation. The secret frequency, only producible by royalty, would cause the sacred gems to fluoresce, luminous and beautiful.
Such was the expectation, and so the crowd stirred in shocked horror when the jewels settled across her collarbones, dim, unlit. Confusion turned to rage as the priest’s hand slipped into his robe; she wrestled the emerging dagger from his grip, turning it upon him as she ripped off the falsified gems, loyal subjects surging forth, clashing against the usurping clergy.
Summerpalooza 2021: Giant Robotpalooza
Winner: CheeseyPickle, 281 points
Target identified.
Analyzing target...
Defensive capabilities: weak
Offensive capabilities: weak
Population density: dense
Beginning attack.
Threat spotted.
Type: Aircraft
Model: Columbidae
Engaging anti-air turrets...
Aircraft eliminated.
No damage taken.
Advancing...
Threat spotted.
Type: Fortification
Model: Wall
Material: Glass
Firing missiles...
Target destroyed.
Minor damage taken.
Advancing...
Threat spotted.
Type: Troops
Amount: 14
Equipment: None
Engaging suppressing fire...
Enemies fled.
Threat neutralized.
Advancing...
Enemy leader identified.
Scanning for hidden weapons...
0 found.
Scanning facial expression...
Emotion identified: Confusion.
Attempting to engage in diplomacy...
Outputting audio: "HELLO THERE HUMAN, SURRENDER NOW OR ELSE."
Audio input received.
Parsing...
"Sir, this is a Wendy's."
Crimbopalooza 2021: It Ain't That Scary
28 entries
Winner: snarl, 212 points
Summerpalooza 2021: Kickstart Me!
25 entries
Winner: Chadomancer, 235 points
Crimbopalooza 2022: Office AUpalooza
19 entries
Winner: Chica Bandida, 210 points
Summerpalooza 2023: Shadowing over Loathing
22 entries
Winner: KoL Miners Daughter, 317 points
Crimbopalooza 2023: Crimbo Lore: Behind the Mists
30 entries
Winner: KoL Miners Daughter, 305 points
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