Final:
A. ThatsHowIBeatShaq: - 86 pts - 17th
Empty. A room. Lonely echoing space. Maybe once a warehouse. But now stores no boxes. Only a staff of underpaid writers. They sit around a tiny Crimbo town. They warms their hands above, a festive fire. Nourished only by the Crimbo monsters, not even condiments. A water cooler gurgles in the corner, mysteriously always full. Sat amidst a great basin of desert, but the room freezes. The writers sip at waxy paper cones and gnaw at stale gingerbread. Counting the hours, the days, the weeks, until Crimbo Town emerges once more... Wait, what do you mean I'm running out of
B. baron_of_brawn13 - 51 pts - 24th
Upon the majestic heights of Mt. McLargehuge, Groar and Gurgle, colossal yeti brothers, waged a decades long war for dominion. Their ceaseless clashing gave rise to a perpetual frost, thickening the air in Crimbo Town with each breath. The summit, veiled in an enigmatic mist, bore witness to the relentless struggle. Groar's bellowing roars and Gurgle's thunderous responses echoed through the chilled winds. The mountain's peak, obscured in the perpetual mist, became an ethereal battleground where the brothers fought for supremacy, their colossal forms eternally locked in a dance that transformed the summit into a realm of danger and mystery.
C. SirStabsalot - 155 pts - 8th
In the unimplemented eldritch mists of Crimbo Town, a calendar slowly ticks forward. Adventurers have long awaited December, remembering the joys of Crimbo past. Crimbow Town however, is empty. For now. As the calendar turns from Ocrober to November, our dear Tammy hatches from her yearly egg, arming herself with the tambourine of Tammies past, and will jingle her calling song: awakening her fellow elves with orders. Orders to build. Orders to wrap. Orders to position themselves for whatever wackiness is planned this year. As the befezzed Brainsweeper arrives, Tammy awaits now her script: what shall she tell the adventurers?
D. Rishi Sunak - 90 pts - 16th
"Crimbo again". The Goblin King threw his crown up in the air. "Peace at last! We'll see no-one for weeks. With the TTT running it'll be almost a month off.
Grabbing his stolen office supplies, he started writing invitations to the Sorceress and other friends. "Kmail the Typical Tavern and order in enough beer and wine." he yelled at the guard. "And make it awesome, none of his usual rubbish. We are going to PARTY!"
A Knob Goblin Accountant rushed in shouting, "Boss! We've just been garboed for 6,115,950 meat!
The king sadly crumpled up his invites. "変%& KGE farmers!"
E. Soxfan196o - 43 pts - 25th
Soxfan196o was bubbled with excitement as Crimbo approached. He meticulously planned for the limited-time event, eager for festive rewards. On the fateful day a storm, hit crashing the internet just as he was about to log in, and service as out for a week. Frantic, he finally logged in, and was very behind. Days of relentless playing ensued, but Crimbo concluded before soxfan196o could savor its delights. Frustrated, he sighed, imagining his character surrounded by elusive gifts, forever inaccessible. As the Crimbo mists rolled away soxfan196o went outside to build a snowman only to notice the snow had all melted.
F. Chiquitita Vargas - 126 pts - 12th
The rifts are not "new".
And they haven't "dissapeared".
they have just.... moved.
Abuela Crimbo and Tammy have managed the Rifts since Crimbo '18. Because they stuck together.
Tammy's hyper-cheerfulness combined with a unique ability to ignore danger is what has kept her sane. Sort of. Abuela Crimbo is sometimes so exhausted from the Months (Minutes? Eons?) of falling (Climbing, Floating...) in the Rifts, she can barely even finish her Crimbo duties. Maybe no one will notice if some aspects of crimbo seem familiar. because, sometimes, parts of the Rift.. remain with you. because, remember...
The rifts are not "new".
G. Aliisza - 246 pts - 2nd
As the Crimbo season nears, and all through the land.
The beach is combed thoroughly, we must collect the sand.
For Abuela is coming, and she is not right in the head.
Everyone fears for their life, of being shot dead.
The town works together, on a complicated trap.
Abuela must be stopped, everyone's sick of her crap.
So they dig a pit filled with the sand and flooded with water.
A quicksand trap to stop all the slaughter.
As she nears the town, looking quite cavalier.
The townsfolk bumrush her into their trap. They shout in unison, "Please disappear!"
H. Turtleofwisdom - 137 - 11th
T’was the night after Crimbo, when all through the inn
Little Timmy had blasphemed, and was wretched with sin;
The beer-bongs were hung by the chimney decayed,
In hopes that the stench would keep Abuela away.
Little Timmy hid quivering ‘neath his frat-paddle bed
As Abuela held tinsel-wreathed shotguns to his head;
“Oh little Timmy, you foolish kid,
You can’t have ham with no caroler to share it with!”
As the Mists took Abuela throughout the land,
She surveyed the sights with weapons in hand;
To hunt the children in Krampus’ hold,
Who dared to have broken the Crimbo Code.
I. Chadomancer - 200 pts - 5th
The last rare drop is pilfered, the last is battle won,
Tammy and all the elves go off with the sun.
The mists roll back in now from high mountain top
Abuella is gone now, and Crimbo must stop.
The devs and the writers, their hearts possibly filled with cheer,
Step back from their work stations to go have some beer.
And all will go off for the post Crimbo break
Only to return when they've had enough steak.
Yet deep in the dream world, where such things live on,
The spirit of Crimbo sleeps, and awaits a new dawn.
J. ScotlandsFinest - 149 pts - 9th
My name Merry McSparkle, I'm an Elf . Born Martinus 1st. Seven days before my first Crimbo.
When everything went to shit.
I've served under a few generals and I have many more medals. I've seen the stars fall and fought the Crimborg. Mutants, I fought them too. I flew in the Valhalla invasion. I've fought penguins, mimes, dolphins and Goo juggernauts. I've even fought robots on a train.
I have scars emotional, mental and physical. I spend the months after Crimbo drinking Nog and trying to forget the shit I've seen. This is the sad secret behind the Crimbo mists.
K. JoeyX - 58 pts - 21st
As the sun sets on another Crimbo season in the KOL Universe, the Powers that Be sip their eggnog from the skulls of their enemies. They bask in the glory of their creation, they see the weak tremble before them bearing offerings for a plentiful Spring. Red Bull flows like thick, cloying wine. A stale DiGiorno pizza sits on the stove top attracting the attention of a roach.
"So, now what?" one of the Elders asks...
"I don't know, wanna rewatch 'Buffy' from season one again?"
"Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll make some popcorn."
“Evil Williow is still my favorite.”
L. Bobby cool - 109 pts - 13th
Behind the mists, shadows lie.
Days of crimbo long gone by.
The players laid in the mist,
daring not to make a hiss.
Abuela Crimbo had no glee,
Hiding behind the crimbo tree.
On this day there arose such a clatter,
no one dared to see what was the matter.
For everyone wished on this crimbo day
all of them could blow away.
For there was no undoing,
To what was brewing.
Deep in the mist,
There arose such a hiss.
It started quiet,
But there arose such a riot.
The beast of crimbo had woken,
No word was spoken.
M. The Patron Saint of Depravity - 200 pts - 4th
As Crimbo Town fades into the mists, a voice rings out. 'All right, everybody! That's a wrap!'
Abuela Crimbo steps forth, beckoning all to gather around. 'Excellent work this year. Susan, your Tammy character remains beloved. Mitch? Great job casting the rescue elves.'
After the wrap party, Abuela Crimbo takes the stage again. 'See you all again next year. Remember to pitch your ideas to the writing team by October. We don't want a repeat of 2019's shark training fiasco and the hasty recast with dolphins. And now for some words from Ralphus, president of the Crimbo Town Actors' Guild.'
N. Blobster111 - 101 pts - 15th
Behind the Crimbo Mists in the Kingdom, a secret sweatshop, ruled by the two-faced tyrant Uncle Crimbo, relentlessly churns. Countless elves toil, crafting new items and building new zones until near collapse. Shiny tinsel and candy cane trees are mass-produced, delivered to the new location one by one, while gingerbread houses are cooked up without rest, with shifts lasting as long as a week before getting a few hour's break. In here, joy isn't the product but a deceptive illusion. Players, happily exploring their new festive zones, remain forever oblivious to exploited labor sustaining their joy that comes with Crimbo.
O. LukeMcNuke - 139 pts - 10th
The mists rolled in to swallow crimbo town. Reality rolled back to let the village slip away. Abuela Crimbo rolled her skin off to stretch her weary limbs. Tammy rolled into the corner, having released her already-decaying elven vessel.
"Another year, another harvest. They seem to get thirstier every time."
Abuela crawled across the village, basking in the ultra-violent radiation, her carapace flaking as the shed began.
"Many knives draw much oil."
Tammy pried open the corner, parting the vertices into fractalling Fibonacci folds, extending her will deep into reality's source code.
"Thankfully, the victims don't matter. Only the violence."
P. DarkRei - 54 pts - 23rd
Under Crimbo Town's celestial canopy, Tammy and Abuela Crimbo unraveled tales of a comet's rare visit. Legends promised wishes granted upon contact with its ethereal glow. As the luminous visitor graced the night, adventurers gathered, gazing skyward with hearts laid bare. Fingers pointed, breaths held, and whispers of desires slipped from lips, intertwining with the comet's radiant tail. With a final celestial flourish, the comet vanished, leaving Crimbo Town aglow. The collective wishes now danced among the stars, a luminous tapestry woven by the town's dreams, lingering in the cosmic expanse, waiting to materialize in the seasons yet to come.
Q. Lyssa OwO - 181 pts - 6th
'Twas the day after crimbo, and everything was fine
The players had made some toys, out of spines!
The spine donors were all in tears
But these toys would be worth millions in a few years!
However, there were several who wore frowns...
Why, they were the residents of Crimbo Town!
Now that they were all out of season
Their continued existence was seen as treason.
It was that time of year everyone had learned to hate
Crimbo town had begun to disintegrate
'No!' an elf shouted, as they turned to dust
And all the machinery got reduced too rust
R. The Tainted Wisdom - 59 pts - 20th
Darkness falls over Crimbo Town, its denizens drifting into a peaceful slumber. A mercy not granted to those who craft their world. For they are bound and shackled within the cold stone walls of an unforgiving oubliette. Their words, their thoughts, their very lives, bled dry to maintain the longevity of the mistress they unwittingly brought into being. And so, they wait... for the Naughty Sorceress to let them bask in the spirit of the season, to be granted respite. ...Yet knowing that, once revitalized, their newfound vim and vigor will be ripped from them once more. Merry Crimbo... Mwahahahaha!
S. DooMinaTor - 81 pts - 18th
The mist thins to reveal a fog machine, and a wretched, foul-smelling den of iniquity. Uncle Crimbo and Don Pygoscelis sit at a table while a corpulent elf gyrates above.
Uncle Crimbo sighs, "I just don't understand why wacky Crimbo stuff can only happen once a year. Aren't I a symbol of goodwill toward men?" He throws back a shot of barrel-aged eggnog and burps like a pent-up bog blowing swamp gas.
"Maybe that 'Jock' or whatsisname needs a little visit from the family," the Don half-whispers.
"Maybe it's time for a little goodwill toward kneecaps," Uncle Crimbo says quietly.
T. snarl - 78 pts - 19th
Gather ye around!
Through my misty memory
hear Crimbo of yore!
'Twas double ought six
New Adventurer was me
when winter arrived.
Advent Calendar
adorned with skulls like a
sheet of LSD.
Gingerbread horrors,
Crimboween cookies within:
Spooky festive feast.
Crimbo would fall on
Porktober the Eighth this year.
What evil would wreak?
Crimbo town opened....
no skellington battle here.
the quest was just this:
Save Uncle Crimbo!
Linnea had kidnapped him
by scrambling mind
Thus hijinks ensued
with elaborate crafting
'cross time and space.
Crimbo saved again
So many prizes granted...
but at what cost?
Supernatural
sentimentalisation
I've culminated.
U. Dysis - 107 pts - 14th
The mist it comes and hides the town of cheer,
It shows us naught what happens in the year.
So let me lift the cloak and you shall see,
the crimbo town between the times of glee.
It lies in silence and with darkened heart,
No light nor life nor sound nor sight to start.
The toys are gone and elves are nowhere found,
the tree is dead, no decorations bound.
Though do not fret it's just in slumber here,
and back to live in time for crimbo cheer.
A Merry Crimbo, joyous gifts await.
But most important: have fun!
V. Justin Smoak - 215 pts - 3rd
Crimbotime has come and gone
Peace returns to Crimbotown
Calm receptions dot the junctions
But Thomas isn't at the functions
Intensely reading the memo dispatched
He notices letters contained are mismatched
The crytogram baffling Tom
Unfortunately arrived encasing a bomb
Big red numerals rapidly falling
Indicate there isn't much hope of stalling
TomTom re-reads with a gulp:
Joczbrhi frc ud hlp
:"hojiubpm" tj zfl sjbgzbmq :)1tor( siht edoced
Tommy remains engrossed
But calls upon all KoLers
Mathemeticians, fortunetellers
Help to resolve this backwards mess
So holiday town may yet convalesce
Or else the countdown reaches zero.
We all need a —
W. KoL Miners Daughter - 305 pts - 1st
'Twas the week after Crimbo
Trainbot's attack fresh
Elves lay scattered akimbo
with torn-apart flesh.
"These parts! Such waste!" Tammy decried
"Instead of leaving them dead,
I'll make them alive!
That arm! A brain? In head!"
"Electricty! Thread!
I'll sew them back again.
Lighting from clouds shed:
Restarting hearts then!"
"I'll make tireless robots
designed elven bodies!
Who'll tie perfect bowknots
and know the naughty!"
Auntie gently took her
to special padded cells.
They had a special nook, her
home between noelles.
Tammy whispered, in limbo,
when they turned off the light
"Merry Crimbo to all!
Have a good night!"
X. Marge - 162 pts - 7th
Tammie sat on the edge of Jick's desk, twirling a lock of hair around her fingers. Abuela Crimbo bustled in with a tray of freshly-baked cookies. "Must you make my nose so pointy?" pouted Tammie. "Now, now, Tammie," rebuked Abuela, "you know Jick's not a real artist. He does his best." A reindeer poked its head in the window and nabbed a cookie. "I hope you gave us a good rôle this year," it said between chews. Jick stood up, threw his pencil on the desk and shouted, "Everyone out! Crimbo is in three weeks and I'm trying to think!”
Y. Thereminivan Beethoven - 58 pts - 22nd
Merry Ch… ūnjié?
Tammy pokes suspiciously at a dangling paper lantern with the stub of a well-gnawed candy cane. A nian-beast gambols by and licks her on the nose. She bops it with her tambourine.
“Lunar New Year, Tammy,” you explain.
Tammy squints at Ronald and Grimace, but she can’t see anyone celebrating from here.
You hastily paste a telescope together.
*You acquire an item: hi-res telescope*
“Try it now, Tammy,” you say.
On second thought, maybe that wasn’t a good idea…
The nian-beast grins at you.
*You gain 10,000 Mana points*
*You acquire an item: fiercely festive dragon elder*
Semi-final 1
Apothnasko - 68 pts / 4 votes
Ennui lulling the spirit, dusty shelves filling halls. Listless reading.
Mysterious runes exciting the mind, crimbo puzzles changing vision. Hasty planning.
Shifting sands devouring effort, relentless sun crackling the skin. Insistent plodding.
Restless waves stinging burns, abyssal deeps hammering at the mind. Endless rowing.
Driving mist blinding the eyes, frozen wastes numbing the spirit. Desperate searching.
Ice melts slowly under the survivor's fire, stone steps uncovered.
Snow piles higher beside the worker's pit, icy doors discovered.
Traps fall silent under the genius' touch, labyrinth conquered.
Treasures reclaimed joyously by the delver's endeavors, ambition achieved.
Fair home impossibly far.
Found unfound.
anomynus - 46 pts / 5 votes
"Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
'Rudolph, with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?'
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
You'll go down in history!'"
"What's the point of this?" Abuela said, eyebrows raised.
"Reindeers are shallow assholes!" Tammy beamed.
Nannachi - 38 pts / 6 votes
On the first day of crimbo, my true Kol Santa gave to me: a message filled with nothing but glee!!
One the second day of crimbo, a Kol dev said to me: Give back all the glee—!!!!
It was a bug, a bug that made the sticks that received it all powerful! Better than any IotM, and stronger than all the Abuelas and scrooges and even Walt Dinseys!!
It was a dark Crimbo... one covered in mists, and one forgotten to this day...
Only the chosen few remember, for their power still stands...
So I ask thee: Were you there??
Semi-final 2
Arashmin - 66 pts / 0 votes
"Oup. There's the Mists. We were getting pretty ripe," quips Abuela.
As the mist thickens to fog, and fog to foam, Crimbo Town's secluded hectare of mountains became decidedly less rocky and more bath-y. From the rising lather, pool toys and Black Body™ bottles begin to float about. The elves, outfits and all, begin cannonballing to and fro, splashing into each other as hard as they can.
Tammy's attempt to change isn't missed. Abuela, in a swift motion, dunks her into the drink, bringing her up chortling.
"Outfit and all, Tammy! We need to last a whole month-and-a-half-and-so-except-when-it's-not, after all."
theMalcolite - 58 pts / 3 votes
The mists of Crimbo Town closed over Crimbo Town like the Mists of Crimbo town in a tautological process that would not be seen for another year. As soon as the chilled water vapor fell, the elves sprang into action: zones were boarded up and deleted, advent Calendars were reclaimed for reprocessing, and the February IOTM was misplaced.
But the cleanup was only the first step. The factory rumbled as the fodder for next year's advent started to slowly self-assemble, spawning directly from developer thoughts without any quality control or bug checking. New zones grew. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
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