A. Ch3fB0yRD
"Fratmeo, Fratmeo, wherefore art thou, like, frat?" "Hippiette, I didn't choose to be slave to the Man, I'm simply a product of my upbringing at his hand and ensuing societal expectations, bro. I've loved you since the mortars ripping my bros apart first lit your face. You've shown me how to be more radical and to go against The Man, broseph." "Oh, Fratmeo, if only we could, like, be together. I'd be chill to pass with you into, like, the great beyond and be together in the lap of Geia". A whistling mortar proceeds to cut them off (from living).
B. Foul Demon
Episode 9562926.
Climax
"Oh no, Maria-Celestina-Juanita Naugthigno-Sorceressinna" cried Lucinda-Paulina Alvarez de Damselindistress "You can't force me to marry Juan-Pablo-Antonio-Camino-Cordova-José-Cuervo-Sanchez-Rodriguez y Némeziso! I don't love him! I love the protagonist!"
"Hahahaha!" laughed the evil, old hag "Of course I can! And with this, my evil plan comes to fruition! Except..."
"Except if I, don Diego Maradona-Emilioestevez-Antoniobanderas-Torrente-Fouldemoninho stop you!"
"Ohohohoho! But you need the Wand of Nagamar, to defeat my true-true form!"
"Ah, but you must know something!" said our hero.
"What?"
"You are my mother..."
"What? No! That's impossible! NOOOOOOOO!"
"...'s sister's niece's cousin's former roommate."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
To be continued.
C. CrocAlligator
After a long day of mining in a volcano and making a million meat, you finally settle down and open the TV. The channel currently running is The Spookyravens, your favorite show.
"Maurice, I can't believe it!"
"Rebecca, what are you talking about?"
"You were gone last night!"
"What? I was just uhhh drinking booze!"
"Oh yeah, I guess you do really like booze."
The screen on your TV shows The End on it and immediately after, it shows a video of The Goat Cheese Occurrence new hit single.
You immediately close the TV before you even hear a sound.
D. Chadomancer
"I'm sorry, but after your husband Chett failed to jump the Orc Chasm on Sneaky Pete's motorcycle, he suffered what is known in medical terms as 'a quadruple brain hemorrhage'. He'll be in that comma a long time."
"Doctor Backalley," cried Janice, "can't you do anything?"
"The only thing I can do while he's unconscious is to confess my love for you."
"But, Doctor! He's your twin brother!"
"I know, damnit! But I can't hide these feelings any longer."
"What about your wife?"
He looks at the recumbent figure in the next bed. "She can't hear us either."
"Oh, Doctor!"
E. Saddler
Saddler wiped sewer filth from his pasta wand. The basement was cleared; Hodgman lay ahead. He burst into the fortress alone, wand raised, but froze. The Hobo Overlord stood draped in a sinister purple aura, the Naughty Sorceress smirking behind him.
"An Alliance," The Naughty Sorceress cackled.
"Random nonsense," Hodgman muttered.
Before Saddler could make a move, dark magic severed his Vermicelli connection. His eyes turned red. He was a thrall.
Upstairs, the clan cheered until the doors exploded. Saddler stepped out, coldly binding friends in corrupted noodles. Behind him, Hodgman roared, marching his smelly horde to conquer the Kingdom.
F. Daqh Kiri
"In Crimbo Town, Tammy was having creative differences with the Pretentious Artist over the thematic backdrop he was painting for the Crimbo-in-Summer play. She wanted more glitter and sharks wearing straw boaters, while he wanted more existential dread.
Meanwhile, the Hermit was considering a trip to see the Old Man by the Sea to settle an ancient question: which of them was the most moxious in a monokini?
Back at the ranch, the Orcish Frat Boys and Smut Orcs were on the verge of a religious war over who actually should be feeding the Frattlesnake, and keeping its enclosure clean."
G. Soxfan196o
In this episode of blast from the past: my character arc - a lot has happened in the Kingdom, and none of it makes sense. I'm farming Knob Goblins for meat, and then I'm defeating hobos and trying to take down Hodgeman looking for my imaginary pet. The Council hands me another vague quest and I eventually ascend, forget everything, and do it again. Everyone looks the same; just different hats and decisions. I have a new spoon! Chat insists the nerf ruined the arc, but the turns keep ticking, the quests keep coming, and something ridiculous is always next.
H. KoL Miners Daughter
Previously, on "Days of Our Loathing:"
The council: they discussed the scandal
regarding the King's lack of clothing
and how this they should handle.
The Sorceress they approached
with plan, so very naughty!
As his speech approached,
in a trap, she had caught he!
Meanwhile: The Boss Bat Knew
the Goblin King's twin
his brother he slew!
Trouble was brewin'!
So adventurers are hired
to clean the Council's Mess,
and the imposter twin's mired
in crimes which he cannot confess.
So will the Kingdom fall?
Can the King be free?
Find it out all!
Tune in at to Channel three.
I. Nannachi
I started as a guest role and now look at me...
I've rebelled against the king, they killed me. I've been in cahoots with The father. They killed me. I stay alone. They kill me. I've conspired against everyone and still they bring me back??.. Couldn't they at least make me fall in love? With a mummy or better yet: Abuela Crimbo!! She looks spry for her age, and I'm over 1000 so I can't complain!!!...
*sighs*
I die. They bring me back.
If this isn't jumping the sharks, then--- WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO JUMP THE SHARKS?!?!?!?
J. Altonicu
Abuela Crimbo had a plan. In her year of chrysalis, she dreamed of a grand spectacle: the Soap Opera of Loathing! The issue is that her idea of a "soap opera" had some... *adventuresome* consequences.
Uncle Crimbo returned to Loathing from Nirvana, and was proven to be Tammy's father! But wait, Don Crimbo actually swapped the DNA test from ADX Loathing, meaning that Uncle Crimbo *wasn't* the father! Regardless, Uncle Crimbo welcomed Tammy as a member of the family, no matter what genetics say... Awwww. But who is Tammy's actual father? Only Don Crimbo knows, and Don Crimbo isn't saying...
K. TonyBagels
Dad was always working.
Dad was always tired, but he worked still.
Dad was always onto something - that's what Mom liked to say.
Dad was always looking, until the day he found the Rift. Then he started to work.
Dad was always smart - a genius, really - and so he made his last great machine.
Dad was always waiting for it. The day it all came together.
Dad was always cautious, and it took him most of the way -
But Dad was always hungry, and he could hold back no longer.
Dad was always looking until
Dad is always always always
L. efot
A new hero emerges to confront the Naughty Sorceress. But wait - is it really her, or her even more evil twin? Which ever one that is, she's turned into some sort of tentacled monstrosity. This could make things really awkward at her upcoming wedding to Doc Galaktik. Doc was probably going to be busy anyway, what with all the people going into and coming out of comas these days. Meanwhile, in a completely unrelated story, the Sea Monkee family has many spirited discussions about their missing grandparents and deadbeat dad. This episode has been sponsored by Yeg's Motel hand soap.
M. typelogin
Deep beneath the Misspelled Cemetary's abandoned opera hall, a masked Accordion Thief called the Phantom tutors Christine, an ambitious Disco Bandit, with haunting songs learned from ancient pasta spirits. While nobles from Seaside Town applaud her performances, the jealous Seal Clubber Raoul tries rescuing Christine from the Phantom's shadowy lair. The Phantom sabotages shows using gremlins, cursed cocktails, and collapsing chandeliers, hoping Christine will love him despite his terrifying appearance. Torn between fear, pity, and ambition, Christine ultimately escapes with Raoul during a chaotic battlefield duet, leaving the lonely Phantom alone beside his cracked accordion and fading magical melodies forever.
N. Gergii
In the Kingdom of Loathing there was a legendary chef, but needed the adventurer's assistance for his magnum opus.
"Please adventurer! I need you to go to Market Square for sandwich ingredients! But be wary of the bipedal beasts! Just their voices terrify me!
So off he went! At the market, he braved the bipedal beasts to acquire his sandwich! And soon, he returned...
"At last adventurer! You return with my sandwich!"
The chef disassemble, then reassemble the sandwich
"Huzzah! My Complete and original sandwich! As thanks, you get to keep it adventurer!
You acquire an item: Store-Bought Chef's Sandwich
O. BoomBoomBam
The Procrastination Giant got home on time, for once, from work only to hear the sounds of giggling. Not like himself at all he hurried to the window of the Castle and seen the Fitness Giant with his arm around his beloved Foodie Giant. Enraged he kicked through the door to confront his soon to be former beloved, "How could you" he shouted "and with my fitness instructor!" The Foodie Giant Stood up and exclaimed "You're not supposed to be home for another three to four hours!" In our next episode we will see treachery, love loss and even death!
The lone adventurer-a pastamancer of questionable hygiene and an amazing wand - bursting through the final door, triumphant over stone mariachis, perplexing doors, and a hedge with a lot of opinions about your run.
There she lounged, the Naughty sorceress, leather from head to toe, emanating evil with perfect supervillain posture.
"You again", she sighs.
"You again", squinted the adventurer, ascending eight times at this point.
She dispelled every buff. His familiar yelped. flies unzipping.
The adventurer pulls out a Toy solider. She grabs it and laughed sheepishly, "nice try, slick. same time next run?"
Q. NotSoFastKiddo
- "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT HERE AS FAST AS YOU COULD ?!?!"
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT DATE/TIME IT IS ?!?!"
said a man, fuming, in a silly leather cap.
- "Hey I don't know why you're upset, you control time!
Besides, what do *I* know about bandits anyway?"
- "Oh you're a smart kid huh?!"
- "Doesn't take smarts to figure it out, just let me borrow your watch, and I'll come back right on time!"
"OH I'LL SHOW YOU MY WATCH!!"
the man is now furiously winding his watch,
**the kid is travelling through time-space**
"Soooooo .. dark . . . .
- hello dARkness my old friend . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ."
R. potatolimerance
Last week on Hidden Hospital...
The Naughty Sorceress took matters into her own hands, confronting a Protagonist about his affair with Lady Spookyraven. Instead she found her lover in a coma and pygmy nurses suspect poisoning. Doc Galatik was again exposed for his ilicit affairs with multiple Sorority Nurses on the Battlefield. Only the Naughty Sorority Nurse kept to her professional standards avoiding work affairs. Dr. Awkward was mid-speech at his retirement when he fell grasping his left arm.
Stay tuned to find out who survives and who must fight for experimental memory retrieval treatment to hopefully reveal the truth...
S. diddy O doo
Lady Spookyraven fainted for the third time that minute mostly out of habit You cannot marry him screamed the Seal Clubber pointing dramatically at the Sauceror who was busy eating soup mid proposal Suddenly the Naughty Sorceress burst in tripped on a rug and still managed to gasp He is your third cousins roommate! Everyone froze The Pastamancer returned from the dead again annoyed i leave for one day The Accordion Thief played dramatic music... badly A thunderclap sounded indoors Someone dropped a spoon This changes everything they all shouted It didnt Five seconds later they argued about soup again
T. Furbulae
I wake up at my campsite, realizing six years have passed since my adventurer was axed from the show. A sombrero of all things floats over to me, seeming shocked to see me back from the dead. Why was this thing important again? Oh well, I'm sure it had some purpose. I stand, check my wallet for meat and make my way over to the council. Surely those guys know what's going on in the kingdom.
Whatever, those jerks were the same as ever. I'll find my own way. I've done it before - across many lifetimes. I'm back, baby!
Door slams open, Sister Medulla glares at the duo.
"Medulla wait! It's not how it looks-"
Medulla tries to grab Hippy Homeopath but is pulled back by Frat.
"No, don't try to stop me from teaching this thieving cat a lesson! How dare you lay your eyes on him?"
Medulla grabs Hippy's hair.
"Aaghhh!"
a family photo with an adult faced Wisniewski toddler breaks during the struggle.
Shard of glass scratches Hippy. They fall, motionless.
A pygmy doctor rushes in.
"I'm a doctor!"
Doc puts hand on the wrist, shakes their head.
"She's gone."
Frat boy collapses in despair.
"NOOO!"
V. breakingamber
End of Pete Road, huh?
You and the adventurer peel apart like slices of bread.
Gotta give a nod. They were a good "you". Moxious as all hell. You fade from view. Nebulously behind the Gash, there's Boris's presence, and J. Calmer. Good for him.
All good things end.
You hesitate.
...But they don't have to.
The audience cheers: hype for the sequel. It boos: you've jumped the shark (figuratively).
Doesn't matter. Even as a shade, your motorcycle's still yours. You seize her handlebars, driving down the Sorceress's Tower. Headlight flashes delight.
You're gonna rock this Kingdom like a hurricane.
W. Wonky Legface
Thumpstavia the seal clubber lady held her head in shame.
- "I am sorry my dear Saltzer" - (her turtle taming concubine) - "but last night I thumped your
oldest little trotter into a fine paste on the ground!"
- "Thumpsie, how could you?!" - the betrayed lover asked in shock.
- "And that is not all..." - she said, - "I also thumped our cat clean in half with the new rollpin you got me!" - Thumpsie cried.
- "Uhhh, Thumpsie?" - Saltzer replied, - "We do not have a cat..."
How shocking! will the neighbors find out how Muttons got carved for dinner? Find out next imte on *Muscles d'Amour!*
