Sunday, January 14, 2024


hleghe: "when the other kids finally get fed up with bill for getting to eat two weiners" - 4 pts, 1 3
Fargblabble: for the unforgiveable crime of wearing shoes without socks, Harold was banished from eating with the rest of the family - 12 pts
Soxfan196o: The view from this table: a masterpiece of architectural confusion. - 3 pts, 1 vt
Clawleone: when you dungeon run solo - 7 pts
Myrella: Sneakily eating your 10th karma shawarma with 11th on side and hoping no one notices and asks for a share - 4 pts, 0 3's
The Tainted Wisdom:

"You all laughed at me when I said anti-social seating would sell. Well who's laughing now?!?"
"We laughed at you because didn't put enough room for a TABLE you dumbass..."
- 6 pts, 2 vts
hUntanoMAD: When you reserve a seating but forget to order a table - 8 pts
Chadomancer:

"Timmy, come sit with us. There's more room over here."
"I've made my choice."
- 6 pts, 4 vts
theMalcolite: That's just Billie. He's been in timeout since he was 6. - 7 pts
blockhead77: Still better than flying United - 16 pts
SirStabsalot: shouldn't have told them i didn't want a table. - 1 pt
Spazfeet: Why does no one ever want to share my "Rat-Dog Special"? - 1 pt
The_Dancing_Viagra: "Alone with burrito, all the company you need" - 3 pts, 2 vts

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Saturday, January 13, 2024

 


Avandor: Ninja basketball training class - day 7 - 8 pts
Soxfan196o: Putting your best foot forward...Shoepreme Defense. - 3 pts, 2 vts
Derplingtons: we've all seen a hat trick, but here's a shoe trick - 5 pts, 2 vts
Chadomancer: Here we see students in the Way of the Chanclas practicing their art. - 3 pts, 1 vt
The Tainted Wisdom: "Replay time! #3 tries playing off a child's instinct to avoid flying footwear thrown by parents! #3 takes the opening when his opponent doesn't flinch, but he shows his parental potential by smacking that ball like it was an out of control child's head!!! The student, has truly become the master folks!" - 3 pts, 1 vt
Graelk: jackie chancla - 10 pts
Shakara: "He was such a great player. He put his sole into the game." - 16 pts
ihatesegfaults: when your mom plays basketball with you - 2 pts
Not Me Yet: EmOtIoNaL BaSkEtBaLl! - 3 pts, 2 vts
amoebalady: Trained from an early age by his mom, 2 grandmothers, and 6 aunties, Fred's skill with a flying slipper approached superhuman. - 10 pts
ELFfaw: "Now that's what I call... A throw-away (caption) victory" - 4 pts
Bobby Cool: "Football.. sorry *Shoeball" - 5 pts, 3 vts

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Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Chess Piece Essay: The Royal Question

One of the key features of chess is the royal piece, a piece whose removal means a loss and therefore cannot be left at risk of capture. For orthodox chess this piece is the king, and chess ultimately is a game whose goal is to remove the opponent's king. In practice this finishing blow need not happen; just subjecting the king to the threat of capture with no legal reprieve is death enough. 

For this essay the term royal piece will only be used regarding pieces whose capture signifies a loss in the section where it doesn't move the same way as the king. Until then king and royal piece are interchangeable.

This is checkmate, a logical step to take from how king capture is a loss. Also stemming from this rule is check, or in this case the idea that if the king is under threat of capture removing this threat becomes immediate priority(any move made not to this end is considered illegal and does not stand). Now these seem obvious, but some games do away with these formalities and make king capture the objective, disregarding these extra notions; though leaving your king vulnerable is still a dumb move there is no longer any obligation to do anything about it. This rule also affects another thing which I will now talk about.

If you cannot leave your king vulnerable to capture it also follows that you cannot move your king into immediate capture, rendering them illegal too. There can be situations where no legal moves can be played but is not in check and so has not lost. This is called stalemate and in variant discussions is still a legal quagmire. In orthodox chess it's considered a draw, but this has not always been the case. Stalemate used to be a loss on either end: you lose because you missed out on a chance to mate or he loses because king capture is inevitable nonetheless. The latter shows up in variants that do not invoke check and instead puts capturing the king as the goal.

Is it check?

Lawyer up, boys; there's more.

Consider the pin. If a piece is between its king and an enemy rider it cannot move out of the way as it leaves the king to capture but it can still give check. Pin Chess is motivated by the consideration that a pinned piece can't give check on the basis of such a capturing move being illegal. But the other king goes down first anyway, you'd argue, and this may be true, but this caveat over pinned pieces can only come from questions regarding check; if checkmate weren't an issue the other king will go down first and that will be the end of it.

This brings up something: Can a piece that can potentially move to capture the king but cannot actually check?  The common view is that they do, citing the above instance of priority or the like. But you can also argue that they don't by citing the part about not being able to move anyway. 

An example is pawn promotion. Some variants only allow promotion to a piece that had been captured before, most of the time a pawn that's stuck near the edge of glory waiting for someone to take its spot can check, though it can be argued that if a pawn can't promote it's forbidden for it to cross to the edge of the board and get its upgrade and therefore cannot just go over and sic himself onto the king. This situation only pops up in variants with a finite pool of pieces to promote to, in practice captured pieces.

These only come up in situations that ask "What are the ramifications of not allowing this specific move on the basis that it leads to self-check?" The more common question is the one before it: "Let's mess with checking, why not?"

So while casting and en passant may be rules that variant makers get fussy over, it's nothing compared to the legal quagmire that is check rules.

Anyone can be king

The king's characteristics as a piece are so intertwined to each other that any piece that moves the same way in a variant risks the assumption that it is also royal. "royal piece" and "piece that moves like a king (Betza FW)" are independent qualities, to state the obvious, so we'll fiddle a bit with the latter and see what we can find.

The results aren't much in most cases. In cases of leapers and/or short hoppers the piece stops where it ought to and you simply get a king that moves funny. A change in leap movement does mean different mating ideas, but this doesn't make the target any more slippery; common usage for such pieces is to demonstrate mostly geometric themes. In practical variants there's rarely a need to improve on the king, who is nimble enough on his own.

Speaking of nimble, what of giving royalty to the sliding guys? A royal rider does seem to be a harder one to catch since it will go far away. The common answer is by restricting them from riding past check, i.e. a rider cannot only land on a square where it would be in check but also cannot move past it.

The fact that most variants never bother changing how a king moves but still manages to make playable games probably has got to do with the consequences of having "capture this piece to win" be the main goal to a game.

Pretenders

Royalty is the property of a piece where its capture means a loss, this is the first link in the chain that leads to check rules and the like.

We can change the part about capture to be any other condition a piece has to be in to merit a loss and the substance of royalty still stands, i.e. losing the game by its capture is accidental.

One flip is making checkmate the goal, the premise of selfmate problems. Even as a problem it's hard to play, thus the creation of reflexmate. Orthodox rules on checking still stand, just that what's usually the loss condition wins.

Another way to invert royalty is to make it so that it's in check when not threatened by capture, therefore checkmating it by depriving it of being targeted, a piece you rein in by giving more room.

Parton created another way: a piece that you cannot check but you can put into check which must then be removed by your opponent. If you cannot avoid checking you lose. Since it's easier not to check than check winning is mostly through forces.

Too many kings

The base material of this section is G. P. Jelliss' notes on royal pieces on Variant Chess magazine(VC 4, pp. 37-39). In the last part he mentions situations of multiple royal pieces and that "this is a subject for a future article." The article never did come on the magazine itself, but he has defined it on his glossary.

In such multirex situations a practical approach is to allow capturing royal pieces up to the last man where check stipulations kick in. This gets rid of some of the headaches that may arise from practical play, but as the next paragraph shows, these legalities make for great stipulations.

For chess problems, Jelliss gives three general stipulations. The simplest is a groupmate: The rule that you cannot leave a royal piece in check stands even with multiple of them, so a fork or skewer on two of them is checkmate enough. Groupmate-type loss conditions are also used in practical play.

Supermate is groupmate with the stricter requirement that all royal pieces be checked. If a move checks some but not all the royals is it illegal? The questions asks what happens after this check: If there is no way to resolve the checks then the receiving end has no legal moves left but is not in a loss condition and is considered stalemate. Checking in this way may also be made illegal, but in my opinion is an ad hoc rule.

Monomate only needs you to checkmate one royal, a loose but open-ended idea: how expendable are the others in this case? Must you only exact mate on one royal? Can you check the others? Can another royal stop mate? 

Some games worth mentioning using this multiple royalty madness: Kinglet chess and Extinction chess. Both games require that the every single royal piece be captured, in Kinglet it's pawns while in Extinction at least one piece type must go(e.g. king, queen, both rooks).

Pawns are considered royalty in Kinglet that even promoting a pawn counts as losing it, the question of "are promoted pawns still pawns" only matters a lot in games with drops.

Extinction chess is interesting in that technically every piece is royal, but not equally. On the board are six different multirexes that mingle with one another, but operate in groupmate terms wherever applicable, e.g. forking two rooks is fine but a lone rook is a liability.

But these are nothing compared to All-mate Chess, where capture is through checkmate. To clarify, if a piece is attacked and cannot escaped it through regular chess means, it gets captured in All-mate. This is more a capture variant than a real multirex as king capture is still the goal and multiple captures are settled one at a time.

Sunday, January 7, 2024


 

Chedley: "If you'd like to scan the QR on the back of your marriage licence and fill out a quick survey, you can get a free small coke and fries with your next marriage (minimum purchase value equivalent to up to 50% of your personal assets)" - 15 pts
Chadomancer: Oh what the heck, we'll have the LARGE fries - And can you put this little figurine of us on top of the Big Mac? - 9 pts
SirStabsalot: by the power vested in me by state idaho potatoes i now pronounce you a mcdouble - 16 pts
Shakara: "We're at Burger King, and she's my Burger Queen." - 11 pts
Soxfan196o: you may now kiss the bride - 0 pts
Clawleone: when you spend all your money on the wedding - 3 pts
NotTaskmgr: uhh... guys, i think the church wasnt in that direction :/ - 0 pts
Avandor: Yeah, the large combo... it's a special occasion. - 3 pts
ELFfaw: "Uh, could we have a McDonalds happy meal toy for our wedding cake topper?" - 1 pt
Not Me Yet: when the wedding budget runs out - 2 pts

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Friday, January 5, 2024


Clawleone: when you see the letters "A" and "R" in /games - 15 pts, 2 3's
Lyssa OwO: POV: You are fending off a dog(it desperately wants to kiss you. Do not let it.) - 6 pts, 4 vts
The Tainted Wisdom: That face you make when maintenance is in 2 minutes and you forgot to put on your Adventure Rollover outfit/overdrink. - 15 pts, 3 3's
Unameme: But boss, why can't I "play" with the elf on the shelf? Spies are chewy! - 0 pts
snarl: Dave was disqualified from the 'Most boopable dog pic' competition when it was discovered he'd smeared peanut butter all over his face. - 1 pt
Chadomancer: There is something tasty in the square things under the shiny bush. I can SMELL them! - 9 pts, 4 vts
hUntanoMAD: Dog - 2 pts
Not Me Yet: POV: you say "park" - 9 pts, 3 vts
Drasc: Blurry? The world can't handle such beauty. - 2 pts
Servius: I'm innocent, the Cat did it - 6 pts, 3 vts
Myrella: "DID YOU SAY STEAK?!" - 7 pts

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(Picture suggestion and extra votes from Jeffio)

Crimbopalooza 2023 Stories and Results

Saturday, December 16, 2023

Game Review: The 12 Jurors

The legal world is no joke, the fate of people lies in the balance and truth and justice are at stake. But the profession is also the butt of jokes for a reason, all too familiar with unscrupulous slicksters with every trick under their sleeve to gain themselves a verdict no matter what.

So, for the consideration of the jury, I will now recount the events of the following game.

The 12 Jurors is a cooperative game for 1-5 people where you try to convince the jury one juror at a time, but this review is based on the solitaire version. The main game consists of 8 levels worth of 18 trials that you progress through. For each trial the goal is to land a guilty verdict by convincing every juror to a unanimous decision. You start with three jurors in play and in each turn you play a card of the same suit to a juror, the second card played on the same juror sets the direction of the sequence(ascending or descending) of numbers said row of cards must make. If you don't want to play a card you discard a card, if you can't play any card you replace your hand.

A juror is convinced if a certain number of matched cards is played to it, kings 4; queens 3 and jacks 2. Once a juror is convinced it is removed from the row of juries and another one is brought in, this continues on until either all jurors are convinced, a win, or your run out of cards to play, a loss. In subsequent levels you get extra actions to help you through the extra challenges of a new set of starting jurors and in two levels card play restrictions.

These additional actions include being able to play a card of the same color on a juror, swapping cards between jurors and even a wild card joker. The moveset expands when you level up and has no limits on use.

Foresight doesn't matter much in this game but you should keep open favorable card plays you don't want to skip. Holding cards is a terrible idea cause trying to wait for a good play will get you penalized with a short suit. Some actions allow you to open up possibilities so use them wisely to avoid bad forces. 

The solitaire version lets you have at least one joker(in multiplayer this only appears at the last level) in your deck, a powerful tactical tool.

To convince jurors of a suit you need exactly nine cards, with only 10 cards of each available per suit to make this possible, some tactical play is necessary and this makes the first trial seem hard as you have no special actions, but even with the special actions you are still limited by the deck.

Each level's trial's jury starts with jurors of certain criteria, making opening play in each game different enough to affect the middlegames. A couple of them even include special rules to throw a wrench in the gameplay. While there is no big life-changing trial at the end of all the levels, there is a decent sense of progress that doesn't make the game feel repetitive.

The game can be played without levels, the jurors are selected randomly and determine any special conditions. Special actions are usable only once per game.